Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
