My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
