return my video game
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
