My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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