Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
