sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
