He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
