its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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