Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
