I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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