Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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