Do you still have your period?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
