Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
