remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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