Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
