I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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