watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
