Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I believe in your delicious
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
