i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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