i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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