dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
