A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me too!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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