i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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