I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
