he puts the penis in happiness.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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