I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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