Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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