How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
