So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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