I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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