life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize