He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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