There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
