I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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