Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
