So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
