I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
