White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
