I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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