his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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