one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
