Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
