even my farts smell like vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
