i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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