DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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