I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
