for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
