do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
