Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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