is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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