my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
