Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
