My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
