I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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