I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
