after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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