I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
