It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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