We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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