new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
