well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize