Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
