If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
