JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
