Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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