i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
