vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
