I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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