Your mouth is God's brothel.
My hand turned me down
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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